The NES Series
by prastarkeepers
Summary: A spinoff of The Smash Freshmen. Villager and Olimar travel through Nintendo's history to gather data on the various games of the NES.
1. Mahjong

The NES Series:

Mahjong

"Hey, kid, it's your turn."

Villager looked around in confusion. He and Olimar seemed to be sitting across from each other at a small table, while all around them was pitch black emptiness. On the table, a mahjong match had been set up, although it seemed to be only set up for two people.

"Wh-where are we?" he asked.

Olimar glanced around and shrugged. "Some sort of primordial void that existed before our multiverse was fully formed."

"Okay," Villager said slowly, "but, what are we doing here?"

"Mario explained it all at the meeting. Weren't you paying attention?"

Villager's cheeks turned red and he looked down. "Not really," he admitted.

Olimar cocked his head to the side. "You're Mario's biggest fan," he said. "You hang on his every word. What in the world could possibly have distracted you?"

Villager looked at the ground, refusing to meet Olimar's eyes. "Jazz was . . . stretching in the next room."

Olimar's mouth hung open as he stared at Villager. "Dude, that's just wrong."

"No, no," Villager said quickly, "it wasn't like that. I was . . . she was . . . just tell me what Mario said."

Olimar grinned and chuckled. "Mario and R.O.B. 01 sent us on a mission to travel through the dimensional rifts and gather data on every Nintendo game produced for the NES, or in this case, the Famicom. Mahjong was one of the very first, so we're here. Mario also wanted us to look for prospective newcomers for Smash Five, but," he picked up a small tile from the table and examined it, "I don't think we're going to find many possibilities here."

"Wait, what about _The Smash Freshmen_?" Villager asked with concern. "Is it over? Did we miss the end? You were—"

"Don't worry," Olimar said. "Prastarkeepers is still writing it. He just wrote this little thing up in his spare time. For fun, you know. Just short little pieces here and there. Definitely not a weekly thing. Just whenever he can get around to it."

"So, does this mean we win, in the end? Does this mean we save you?"

Olimar shrugged. "Don't know. Haven't gotten that far yet. Although, between you and me, I certainly hope so. But enough about me, we're here to talk about mahjong. How do you play this thing anyway?"

"Why don't you read the guidebook?"

"I tried. It's all in Japanese."

"So? You're a Japanese character."

"I'm the English dub."

Villager sighed, shaking his head. "Alright. First off, I'd just like to point out that we are technically playing Japanese mahjong, not the original Chinese mahjong. There are a few differences, but for now let's focus on the Japanese version. See the row of tiles in front of you. The basic point of the game is to form it into a winning hand."

"Which means?"

"You have to have four melds and one pair."

"Melds?"

"Yeah. A meld can either be three of the same kind, or three in sequential order, like one, two, three, et cetera."

Olimar squinted at his tiles. "I don't think I'm seeing any ones, twos, or threes here."

"They come in three different kinds of suits. There's the ones that have the big circles on them, the ones with the little bamboo sticks on them, and the ones with the little Chinese characters. You can only make melds with tiles of the same suit, so no mixing."

"Okay, I think I get it," Olimar said. He held up a tile with Chinese characters on it. "How am I supposed to know which number's which on these ones?"

Villager scratched at his ear, thinking for a minute. "Um, I'm . . . not sure. Just stick to the other ones for now. You can look it up later."

Olimar nodded, studying his hand. "Okay, but what about these other tiles? The blue characters and the block thing?"

"Those are the wind and dragon suits. There are four kinds of winds and three dragons. They don't have a specific order, so you can only use them for sets of the same kind."

"Okay, okay, I see," Olimar said. "And you play by picking up a new tile and discarding another one, like most western card games?"

"In a nutshell," Villager replied.

"Cool, so is that all I need to know?"

"Not really, there's actually a lot more to it than that. I just kind of gave you the skin-and-bones version of it."

"That's good enough for me. Let's play. Oh, by the way, it's still your turn."

Villager shook his head and smiled. Reaching across the table, he picked up a tile from the wall of tiles in front of Olimar. _7-Nin_, he thought to himself. He glanced down at his hand. _Yeah, I could use this._


	2. Popeye

The NES Series:

Popeye

"Hold down the line, men!" the foreman shouted.

All across the deck of the ship, sailors of all shapes and sizes rushed about their duties through wind and rain and the constant rocking of the ocean waves. Among them, a very haggard-looking Villager and Olimar ran to secure a loose line of rigging.

"How did we get here again?" Olimar shouted over the roar of the ocean.

"You blew all of our money on that mahjong game," Villager shouted back, "so I had to get us jobs on this boat."

Olimar squinted at Villager as the two grabbed hold of the line and started to pull it down. "What, you couldn't find any more, I don't know, stable jobs?"

"Not really," Villager replied. "Plus, taking this job would help us gather data for the next game on our list."

"Oh, yeah? What game is that?"

"Popeye."

"Popeye!" Olimar dropped the rope, leaving Villager to be dragged forward several feet by the powerful line.

"Olimar," he said, straining to keep his balance. "A little help."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, hang on a minute. You said Popeye? Oh, geez. Look, kid, I understand that the Wii Fit Trainer is a very attractive young woman, but you've got to be paying enough attention to realize that Mario said _Nintendo_ games. Not _non_-Nintendo cartoons from the sixties."

"No. I'm talking about the game. The one Nintendo released as an arcade game in nineteen eighty-two and later ported to the NES."

Olimar raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying there's actually a Nintendo Popeye game?"

"Yes," Villager said, desperately clinging to the rope. "Now can you give me a hand here?"

"Oh, right." Olimar wrapped his hands around the rope and resumed pulling once again. "So, if Nintendo made a Popeye game, does that mean Popeye is an option for Smash Five? Because I'm not gonna lie, that would be seriously cool."

"Not exactly," Villager replied. "Nintendo doesn't have the rights to him. They were only able to use his name and characters for a few games."

"Aw, bummer. Oh, well, I'm putting him down on the list anyway. We made Sonic happen. We can make Popeye happen too."

Working together, Villager and Olimar managed to tie down and secure the rope. While they were doing so, the clouds overhead parted and the rain started to died down.

"Okay," Olimar said, stretching his shoulders, "So, where is the big guy anyway?"

"Popeye?" Villager asked. "He's over at the helm." He pointed to the quarterdeck where a shorter man with large forearms, a strong chin, and a pipe was arguing with a massive, muscular man with a beard.

"Well, what do you know," Olimar said. "The other guy's Bluto, right?"

Villager nodded. "Or Brutus. The names are pretty interchangeable."

"I wonder if I could get their—"

Olimar stopped as his eyes wandered to a lone white can rolling across the deck nearby. He stooped and picked it up. "Is this . . . spinach?"

"Yeah, I think so," Villager said.

Olimar looked at the can, then up to Popeye and Bluto. Then back at the can. Then back to Popeye and Bluto. A mischievous grin spread across his face.

"Olimar," Villager said warily, "what are you thinking?"

Olimar looked up at Villager. "You take over here," he said. "There's something I've always wanted to try."

"I really don't think you should—," Villager tried as Olimar walked away, popping the lid off the can as he went. Villager gave up the attempt and hung his head. "We are so fired."


	3. Popeye no Eigo Asobi

The NES Series:

Popeye Eigo no Asobi

In a small port town on the coast of some undisclosed country, a sailing vessel pulled into harbor. Just before it reached the docks, a catapult was fired from its deck, propelling two of its passengers into the air several hundred feet before crashing into a random cabbage cart in the streets on shore.

"And stay off!" an irate sailor shouted from the deck of the ship.

From amidst the scattered wreckage of the cart and demolished cabbages, Olimar and Villager stuck their heads up.

"You _had _to do it, didn't you?" Villager said, picking leafy greens out of his hair.

"Yes, I did," Olimar said proudly, puffing out his chest. A large cabbage leaf slid down from the top of his helmet until it was obscuring his face.

"Oh, yeah," Villager said sarcastically, "Big, tough Olimar just had to go and have some fun with spinach. Now we have no money, no job, whoever owns this cart is going to be furious, and I'm sure you realize we now have to go tracking down Popeye again because the next game on our list stars him too."

"Really?" Olimar asked, removing the leaf. "Another one? Which one is that?"

"Popeye Eigo no Asobi."

"Gesundheit."

Villager sighed. "It roughly translates to 'Popeye's English Class.' It was an educational game, kind of like Donkey Kong Junior Math. It was only released in Japan."

Olimar raised an eyebrow. "Popeye's _English_ Class," he said slowly, "only released in _Japan_?"

"Yeah. Olive would give Popeye the Japanese word and then Popeye would have to spell out the English translation."

"Oh, so it was more like a Foreign Language class than the typical American definition of 'English class.'"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Okay then, let's go find Popeye again and talk to him about it."

"I'm . . . not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure Popeye hasn't forgotten your face yet, and he has the spinach now."

Olimar paused as he considered the implications. "Fair point," he said. "But Popeye's a good guy, right? He wouldn't hold a grudge, would he?"

"Whatever you say," Villager replied. "It's your neck on the line, not mine."

Picking their way out of the cabbages, Villager and Olimar made their way through the port town searching high and low for the famous sailor man. After about fifteen minutes, they found him sitting under some trees with a tall skinny woman by his side.

"Okay, Popeye," the woman said in a thick nasally voice, handing him a small chalkboard. "Translate this word: _Neko._"

"Okay, I got dis, I got dis," Popeye grunted in his signature gruff voice. "Um, C-A—"

"Um, Mister Popeye, sir," Villager said, approaching him cautiously.

"Yeah, what d'ya want?" the sailor said, looking up from his work. When he saw Olimar and Villager standing before him, his good left eye bulged. "Hey, I know youse guys! Youse the chumps what tried to beat up Bluto and me."

"Oh, um, yeah," Villager tried. "About that, we're really sorry and—"

"Olive, holds me chalkboard," Popeye said, handing the board to his girlfriend. "I gots to teach these chumps a lesson."

Villager backed away from the angry sailor as he got to his feet and pushed up his sleeves. "Run?" Olimar asked.

Villager nodded. "Yes. Run now."

Both Villager and Olimar took off running as fast as they could. Popeye followed closely behind them, shouting family-friendly expletives at them as they went.

"Well," Olimar said as they ran, "at least we know why he needs an English class."


	4. Gomoku Narabe Renju

The NES Series:

Gomoku Narabe Renju

"Is he gone?"

"I'm not sure."

Villager climbed up onto a stack of crates and peeked out through the tiny window that provided the only view of the outside world to the tiny stone basement he and Olimar were currently hiding out in. Outside on the cobblestone street, he could see the feet of a sailor and several others running back and forth looking for something.

"Not yet," Villager said, turning back to where Olimar was hunkered down between two barrels. "He and his friends are still out there looking for us."

"How long do you think he'll keep looking?"

Villager shrugged. "Who can say? With all that spinach he ate when we passed that open air market, he could be at it for months."

"Ah," Olimar said, twiddling his thumbs. "So what do we do until then?"

"Well," Villager said, hopping down off the crate, "there's a year's supply of food in all these crates and barrels, and running water in that sink. We may just have to wait it out."

"Great. And just what are we going to do in the meantime?"

"I don't know. We could play a board game."

Olimar considered for a second, and then shrugged. "I suppose. What did you have in mind?"

"How about . . . Gomoku Narabe Renju!"

Villager pulled a small board and a bag of black and white chips from his pocket. Olimar stared at him for a second.

"It's never just checkers with you, is it?" he asked.

"Oh, come on, it's fun," Villager said, setting the board down on the concrete floor.

"Sure, but how am I supposed to play something when I can't even understand its name?"

"You play Parcheesy, don't you?"

"Fair enough. Still, what does it mean?"

"'Five Points in a Row,' roughly. It's basically Connect Five."

"You mean that kids' game with the weird blue stand that you drop red and yellow pieces into like a coin counter."

"Sort of. That kids' game is actually based on this."

"Okay, I know how to play this. I call white."

Olimar held out his hand for Villager to deposit the white chips.

"Just remember," Villager said, "On this board, you place the chips where the lines meet, not in the squares."

"Got it. I'm first!" Olimar threw down a chip into the center of the board.

"Actually," Villager said, removing Olimar's chip and replacing it with one of his own. "Black goes first in this game."

"Dude, not cool."


	5. Family BASIC

The NES Series:

Family BASIC

"Run, Olimar, run!"

"I'm running! I'm running!"

Villager glanced behind them. Popeye, Bluto, Olive, and basically every other cast member of the old sixties cartoon was currently chasing the pair through the streets of Popeye's home port town. Olimar and Villager turned a corner to find themselves trapped in a dead end.

"Well, this is just great," Olimar said as the two backed up against the brick wall, Popeye and his friends bearing down on them. "How did we get into this mess again?"

"Do we really have to rehash the entire past three chapters?" Villager asked.

"Maybe."

"Well, needless to say, it was all your fault."

"Mine? You were the one who got too excited over that Gomoku game and alerted Popeye and his crew to our hiding spot."

Villager bit his lip. "That's fair."

The crowd gathered around Villager and Olimar, torches in hand. Popeye stepped to the front of the group, shoving up his sleeves. "Any las' woids, chumps?"

"Villager," Olimar said, "if I don't make it, tell my wife and kid I love them."

Villager nodded. "And if I don't make it, tell Lassy that she can have my 3DS. And also tell Jazz that I think she is a very fine woman."

"Very fine woman? What, are you from the sixties?" Olimar glanced around at the surrounding mob. "Never mind."

"I'm going to give it to youse guys real good," Popeye said, twirling his fist around in a circle.

"Any ideas?" Olimar recoiled against the wall.

"Hold on," Villager replied, shuffling through his pockets. He produced a small keyboard. He stared at it for a second. "Oh, I've got it!"

Villager held up the board and rapidly punched in a combination of letters. He slammed the enter key and Popeye, the mob, and everything else vanished, leaving Villager and Olimar alone, floating through an empty black void.

Olimar looked around. "Whoa, what did you do?"

Villager twirled the keyboard around and stowed it in his pocket again. "I used the Family BASIC."

"What's that?"

"It was this old programming game for the NES. It came with a keyboard and a data recorder, and you could write, do math, play or create simple games, and all sorts of stuff."

"Huh. And this game had the power to rewrite the entire system?"

Villager glanced at his feet. "No, not really."

"Then . . . what did you just do?"

Villager stuck his hands in his pockets and bounced on his heels. "Pulled a Deus ex Machina."

Olimar stared at Villager for a moment before shrugging. "Works for me. So, now what are we going to do?"

The two stared at the black void around them. "We could play Mahjong again," Villager suggested.

"Sure, set it up."

* * *

Sorry, everyone. No Smash Freshmen today. However, I didn't want to leave you all completely hanging, so I managed to squeeze out this chapter of the NES series. See my blog at prastarkeepers blogspot com tomorrow for more information. Again, I'm sorry.


	6. Devil World

The NES Series:

Devil World

"Bring in the prisoners!"

The heavy throne room door swung open and three demons entered, dragging behind them a pair of hooded captives bound in chains. The demons crossed the vast cavern and deposited their charges before a large imposing throne. A fat blue devil wearing nothing but a speedo and shoes lounged on it, picking his teeth with a chicken bone.

"Uncover their faces," he ordered his minions.

The demons complied, removing the hoods to reveal Villager and Olimar.

"Well, well, well," the devil said, standing up from his throne and walking toward the captives with his hands behind his back. "A couple of Super Smash Bros. alums, right? Villager Ramon Houseman and Olimar Orima Hocotate. Isn't this a pleasant surprise?"

Olimar glanced over at Villager. "Your middle name is Ramon?"

"Not now," Villager muttered under his breath.

The devil pulled a piece of parchment from his speedo and looked it over. He glanced back at Olimar and Villager and tisked. "My, my, you two have been busy, haven't you? Cheating at mahjong. Ticking off one of the most iconic cartoon characters ever. Pulling a Deus ex Machina. You boys have no idea the kind of punishment you're in for. I'm not sure even the dog from Duck Hunt deserves this kind of punishment."

Olimar put his tongue in his cheek. "Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," he said. "Sure we made a bit of a mess, but we're the heroes in our home games. Surely our good deeds make up for it."

"What good deeds?" the devil snapped. "All you did was crash-land on an alien planet and then enslave an entire species for your own personal benefit."

"It was a working relationship," Olimar replied sheepishly.

The devil moved on to Villager. "And you!"

Villager looked around in confusion. "What did I do? I'm completely innocent."

"Sure you are. I've seen the memes, sicko."

Villager hung his head and sighed. "Darn you, internet."

The devil shook his head in disgust. "You two are going to be here for a long time."

"Come on," Olimar said, "There's got to be something we can do to get out of this. We can make a deal. You're the devil, right? The devil always likes making deals in movies and TV."

The devil leaned in closely to Olimar, his putrid breath fogging up the astronaut's helmet. "This is a video game. It doesn't work that way. Boss fights are the only things that work here and since I'm not programmed to be fought one-on-one, I guess you're out of luck."

"Wait," Villager said, "We're friends with Mario. We can put in a good word for you to be a candidate for Smash Five."

The devil raised an eyebrow. He thought for a moment, scratching his chin. "I thought protagonists got first pick in a franchise?"

"Well, yeah," Olimar said, following Villager's lead, "but you are clearly the star of this game. You're like Freddy Krueger or the Terminator. No one cares about who the good guys were in those movies. I mean, Sarah Connor who?"

The devil grinned, puffing out his bare chest. "You really think so?"

Oh, we know so," Villager said. "And, heck, if that's not enough, we could work the system so that both you and Tamagon get a slot. It's happened before."

The devil considered for a few more minutes. "You know what? I think I'll take you up on that." He gestured to his minions. "Release them."

As the demons worked at Villager and Olimar's chains, another one ran in through a side tunnel. "Sir, Tamagon's back."

The devil sighed in irritation. "Oh, great."

"Anything the matter?" Villager asked, rubbing his newly unshackled wrists.

"No. This stupid dragon just keeps showing up at my door, shoving crosses and Bibles in my face. I think he's trying to convert me or something." He looked at his demons. "Come on, boys, let's get the walls moving again. Maybe we can squish him this time."


	7. F-1 Race

The NES Series:

F-1 Race

A loud hum filled the air as a series of small, one-man vehicles sped around a large track surrounded by endless grassy plains on all sides. Near the starting line, a small row of bleachers sat before a pit where a number of workers in mechanic's uniforms stood waiting for their charges to pull in for maintenance. Among them, Olimar and Villager stood leaning against a stack of tires.

"Our boy's doing pretty well out there, eh, Olimar?" Villager said.

"I guess," Olimar said. "It feels like he's way behind to me. Every time he passes someone, five more show up in front of him. I mean, who's even in the lead in this race?"

Villager shrugged. "We're in the early days of racing games. They didn't really have a fully developed competitive racing system going on yet. It was mostly just about making the turns and avoiding the other drivers."

"So, no multiplayer, then?"

"Oh, no, it supported up to four players. It could get pretty competitive then, but we're currently watching a single-player race, so most of the other racers act more like obstacles than actual competition."

Olimar nodded. "I see. So how did we get involved in this again?"

"Well, we still have a lot of debts to pay off, and since _somebody_ got us fired from our sailing job, we had to find employment elsewhere."

"Yeah, _somebody_," Olimar chuckled. "Stupid Popeye."

"I was referring to you."

"Whatever you say. So, are we getting a Smash Five candidate out of this or what?"

Villager studied the screen above them for a moment as the first-player racer passed a group of opponents and turned a corner. "Um, I don't imagine so. I mean, we do have the driver, but he doesn't really leave his car in-game, and I'm pretty sure even gamers familiar with the game don't really know what he looks like."

"So that's a pass?"

"Probably."

Olimar reached into his coveralls pocket and pulled out a small notebook, scribbling something down. He capped the pen and stuffed it and the notebook back in the pocket.

"So, what _does_ he look like?"

Villager pointed as a car pulled into the pit. "See for yourself," he said. "We're up."

Villager grabbed the gas pump and went straight to the car's tank, while Olimar leaned over the hood to get a good look at the driver's face. "Huh," he said, "interesting."


	8. 4 Nin Uchi Mahjong

The NES Series:

4 Nin Uchi Mahjong

"Okay, let's see," Olimar said. "I think Mega Man starts first."

Rock and Jazz looked up in confusion. They were sitting at a table in the middle of an endless black void. Villager and Olimar sat at the table with them. A full mahjong game was set up before them.

"Um, where are we?" Jazz asked.

"How did we get here?" Rock said. "I was in the middle of talks with Capcom for better representation of my series."

"Sorry about that," Villager said. "We needed two more players. Olimar wanted to play mahjong again, but we're kind of on probation at the moment."

"Yeah," Olimar said. "This devil guy says we're not allowed to play mahjong anymore without 'supervision.'"

Jazz raised an eyebrow. "What did you guys do to get banned from playing mahjong?"

Villager turned red and looked down. "You don't want to know."

Olimar leaned in to Rock and whispered, "Totally beat the stuffing out of Popeye and Bluto. It was epic."

Jazz looked between Villager and Olimar. "Okay," she said slowly. "So, how do we play?"

"Well, you start with the thirteen tiles in front of you," Villager explained, "and the goal is to get a winning hand. You do that by—"

Olimar let out a long moan. "We already went through this eight chapters ago. Do we really have to go over it again?"

"Well, Jazz and Rock have to know how to play too."

"Look, Rock, you're east wind, so you go first. Pick up a tile from this wall we've got here. If it can help you make three-of-a-kind or a run, you're good. You want four of those, plus a pair. Once you're done with your turn, throw a piece in the middle. It's that easy. Now go."

"It's not that simple, Olimar," Villager said. "There are a lot of different rules and—"

"I don't care. I just want to play mahjong. Go."

Villager breathed in exasperation. "I guess it's your turn, Rock."

Rock was silent for a second, looking between Villager and Olimar. He glanced at Jazz, who shrugged. "I guess I'll just download the instructions then," he said. He reached a tentative hand across the table and picked up a tile.


	9. Excitebike

The NES Series:

Excitebike

The crowd cheered in resonating chorus, creating a rumble that matched the steady vibration of the bike between Villager's legs. He gripped the handlebars, enjoying the feeling of the thick rubbery grips beneath his fingers. He looked at his fellow racers on either side of them, each one clad in orange, blue, or purple jumpsuits, their faces obscured by large white helmets.

"Okay, you're good to go," Olimar said, standing up from where he had been running maintenance on Villager's bike. "Why exactly are you on that bike, and I'm still stuck doing pit crew?"

"Well, since Excitebike is being represented as a DLC track on Mario Kart 8, and I'm a DLC racer for that game, the managers of the track thought it would be a great publicity stunt to have me as a special guest for the race. As for you, well, we do still have our jobs as pit crew."

Olimar let out a long breath and rolled his squinty eyes. "Okay, but why do Rock and Jazz just get to sit and enjoy the race then? I could really use the help of a robot out here."

Villager glanced out at the stands where Rock and Jazz were sitting in the front row. Jazz was sipping a fruit smoothie, while Rock was holding up a large banner that read, "GO VILLAGER!"

"They are our guests, Olimar," Villager said. "We can't expect them to do our jobs for us."

"Okay, fine. Do I at least get to add a name to the Smash Five list from this game?"

Villager shrugged. "Sure. People have been requesting an Excitebiker for years."

"Really?" Olimar said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, of course. He's been right up there with Balloon Fighter and Ice Climbers as NES options since Melee."

"If you say so. It just seems to me like they wouldn't work all that great as a character."

"Why not?"

"Well, isn't the point of the character to be on a bike the entire time? What could anyone do on a bike?"

"Wario rides a bike."

"Yeah, but he's not on it the entire time. It's just one move. The bike is all an Excitebiker would have."

"Bowser Junior spent all of his time in a Klown Kar."

"No offense, but his Klown Kar was tricked out with a lot more capabilities than these bikes will ever have."

The Excitebiker to Villager's left leaned down and tapped Olimar on the shoulder. "Hey, are you guys talking about Super Smash Bros.?"

Olimar looked at the guy and nodded. "Yeah. We're supposed to be looking for candidates for Smash Five."

"Dude, put me down," he said. "I've been sending in an application for years. I'd love to be a Smasher."

Olimar shook his head. "I don't think so. I'd love to, but I'm just not convinced about what you bikers could possibly do on a battlefield."

"Oh," the biker said, sitting up straight on his bike. "You're one of those people, are you?"

A voice boomed across the arena. "Racers, start your engines."

Olimar bent down and picked up his tools. "Well, you guys have a fun race out there." He stepped out from the line of bikes and walked out to the long grassy strip alongside the track. The Excitebiker leaned in to Villager.

"So your friend thinks us bikers can't make it in Smash, huh?"

Villager nodded. "I don't agree. I think you guys would be awesome in it."

"Well then, what say we show your friend just what we can do, eh?"

Villager grinned. The announcer's voice counted down from three and the whistle blew to signal the start of the race. Villager clutched down on his handles, planted his feet into the pedals, and sped forward.


	10. Clu Clu Land

The NES Series:

Clu Clu Land

"According to the map, the portal should be just up ahead."

Thick darkness surrounded Villager, Jazz, Rock, and Olimar as the four dove deeper and deeper underwater. The world seemed almost surreal to Villager through the large round helmet he had borrowed from Olimar.

"Are you sure you two can't stay longer?" Villager asked.

"Nope, sorry, buddy," Rock replied. "Mario wants us to check out the games for the Game Boy, and he said he wants us to get on it right away."

"But we'll try to visit here and there," Jazz said. "Mostly whenever we come across games released for both systems."

The four divers touched down on the ocean floor and looked around. Strange poles stuck up out of the ground around them, wobbling gently in the current.

"What are these things?" Jazz asked.

"I'm not sure," Villager said. "Something from the old game Clu Clu Land, I think." He put out his hand and touched one. "I think they're organic, like a plant or something."

Rock held up the waterproof map he was holding. "From this spot, the portal should be just ahead. Let's go."

Villager, Jazz, and Rock waded forward, passing between two poles. As they passed, Jazz's foot scraped along the bottom, kicking up mud and uncovering a gleaming gold ingot.

"Hey, check it out," Olimar said, bending to pick it up. He held it up to the faint light rippling down from above and inspected it. "How much do you bet it's worth?"

Villager, Jazz, and Rock ignored him, engrossed in their consultation of Rock's map. They passed between another pair of poles, uncovering another ingot.

"Jackpot!" Olimar said, snatching that one up as well. He looked at the ingot and then turned his gaze to the two poles on either side of it. "I wonder . . . ."

"Hey, there it is," Rock said, looking up from the map. Just over a small ridge a few feet ahead of them, a vortex opened in the ground, swirling violently and kicking up a thick cloud of dirt around it. The vortex glowed slightly and it made a sound like someone slurping through a straw.

"Lovely," Jazz muttered. Behind her, Olimar zipped through a row of poles, gathering ingots as he went and giggling like a schoolboy at recess.

"Well, this is us," Rock said. He handed Jazz a small communicator. "I'll let you know if I make it through to the other side. If it turns me to scrap metal, don't follow."

"Got it," Jazz said.

Rock focused on the vortex and took a deep breath. He ran forward, over the ridge, shouted "Geronimo!" and dove in. Olimar ran by on the other side, his arms overflowing with gold ingots.

Villager and Jazz stood waiting in silence, neither one quite looking at each other.

"So," Villager said, clearing his throat, "How—how's the gym?"

"Oh, um, it's good," Jazz said, seeming to study a nearby pole. "Kinda busy, now that we're a trainer short. We've been conducting interviews to find a replacement for you-know-who."

"Ah," Villager said. "Hope you're conducting a thorough background search on all of your candidates."

"Oh, no worries," Jazz said. "We do _not_ want a repeat."

The two fell silent once again. Jazz checked Rock's communicator while Villager watched Olimar collide with a small red fish and scatter his ingots everywhere.

"So, how's Lassy?" Jazz asked.

"Oh, she's good. She's actually mayor now."

"Oh, good for her."

"Yeah, I kind of stepped down so that I could help with Smash Five."

"That's cool."

The two fell silent once again. Villager swallowed, gathering his courage. He turned to her. "Hey, Jazz, I was wondering—"

He was interrupted when Rock's communicator beeped. Jazz tapped the center button and held it up to her ear.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Hey, it's cool," Rock's voice said from the other end. "A little disorienting, but you should be fine."

"Alright, I'll head on through."

Jazz tapped the device off. "Well, I guess I'm off," she said. She turned to Villager. "See you around?"

"Yeah," Villager said, "see you."

Jazz waved goodbye, then ran forward and dove into the vortex, disappearing within it. Villager watched her go, letting out a long sigh. A tap on the shoulder woke him from his reverie.

"Hey, um, Villager," Olimar said. "We're kind of in trouble?"

Villager turned to look at Olimar and the red fish. "What?" He stopped as he saw the legion of dark blue, spiny urchins lining the ocean floor behind them. He slowly turned to see hundreds coming at them from all sides.

"What did you do?" Villager asked.

"It's the fish's fault, I swear."


	11. Tennis

The NES Series:

Tennis

The crowd cheered as the small lightweight ball sailed through the air. The player on the far side of the court swung his racket, intercepting the ball and sending it rocketing back to the other side of the net. His opponent sent it bouncing back. Their game of back-and-forth continued for several turns until one of them missed his shot and the ball bounced off into the sidelines.

A short Italian man watching closely from a high chair at the side of the court shouted, "In!"

Beside the referee, two individuals stood on the sidelines, wrapped in towels and dripping wet.

"Th-thanks for saving us, M-Mario," Villager said, chills running up and down his body and making him shake like a purse dog.

"No problem," Mario said, glancing down at them from his referee chair. "What did you guys do to aggravate so many Unira anyway? They normally only come out in groups of two or three."

Villager gave Olimar an expectant look. Olimar shivered. "I have no idea," he said. "You'll have to ask that fish. It was her fault."

"Right," Mario said. He glanced back at the court as the ball sailed past. One of the players missed their shot. "Out!" Mario shouted. He looked back at Villager and Olimar. "So how goes the NES analysis?"

"It's good," Villager said. "We've checked out about ten games so far."

"Any good candidates for Smash Five yet?"

Villager nudged Olimar. "Show him the list."

Olimar reached into one of the pockets of his spacesuit and pulled out a small soggy notepad. He handed it up to Mario. "It got a little wet," he said. "Sorry."

Mario took the list and perused it. "Popeye . . . Tamagon . . . The Devil . . . only five so far? Toon Link and Buckenberry have been going at their SNES series for as long as you two have and their list is much longer."

"Showoffs," Olimar mumbled under his breath.

"In all fairness," Villager said, "Most of the SNES games came out at a time when games started to become more character- and story-driven, while the early NES games were more about the mechanics of the game and only had generic avatars for characters."

Mario nodded, handing back the notepad. "Understandable," he said.

"Seriously, though," Olimar said. "Look at this game. It's just . . . tennis. Where's the flair? Where's the interesting characters? Those two players out on the court. Do you think anyone knows anything about them, much less their names?"

Mario sat up and crossed his arms. "_Ted_ and I go to lunch every Saturday, and _Bob_ was my roommate in medical school."

Olimar's face paled. "Oh. Um, I'm sure they're lovely people."


	12. Pinball

The NES Series:

Pinball

The tiny spring pulled backwards, the small metal ball on top rolling with it. Then with a mighty _sproing, _the spring shot upwards, launching the ball up and out of the small side tunnel and out into the wide playing field. Lights and sounds blared while barriers sent the tiny metal sphere bouncing around in multiple directions.

After bouncing around for a few seconds, the ball eventually descended to the bottom of the field, where a pair of small wedge-shaped flippers were all that stood between the ball and a pit. Just as the ball rolled onto the edge of the flipper of the right, Villager jammed one of the buttons on the outside of the machine, sending the ball flying back up into the main body of the playing field.

Beside him, Olimar let out a long, low sigh. "Oh, come on," he said, "When is our flight going to come in already? It feels like we haven't reviewed a game in forever."

"Speak for yourself," Villager said, not daring to take his eyes off the pinball machine he was playing with for even a second. "What do you think I've been doing for the past half hour?"

"Playing an outdated game."

"Well, yes, but I'm also reviewing the old NES version of said game." As an afterthought, he added, "And pinball is not outdated."

"Whatever you say."

Villager kept playing while Olimar pulled out a small book that looked suspiciously like a diary and started writing in it. After a few minutes, Mario wandered over from the information desk.

"Alright, boys," he said, "your flight out to the Old West should begin boarding in a few minutes." He paused, a small grimace creeping across his face. "And my ex-girlfriend's flight has just arrived."

Villager stopped playing and looked up. Inside the machine, the ball slipped past the flippers and fell into the pit. "Ex-girlfriend? You mean Pauline is going to be here?"

Mario sighed. "Yes . . . unfortunately. Apparently she wants to talk about making another Mario vs. Donkey Kong game."

Villager glanced down at the pinball machine in front of him. "Hey, you two guest-starred in this game, didn't you?"

"What's that?" Mario glanced down at the machine as well. "Oh, yeah, we were. We were in the bonus area. You could get to it by knocking the ball into that little hole there in the middle of the field."

Olimar pulled his notepad from his pocket. "So, we could put her down on the list for Smash Five, right?"

"Oh, please, no," Mario said, "The last thing I need is for Peach and that woman to be in a game together. I have spent a lot of time making sure that those two remain separated."

A shrill voice echoed through the airport. "Yoo hoo, Mario."

Mario slowly turned to see a tall brown-haired woman wearing a red silk dress with a shredded bottom hem. The dress looked as though she had worn it every day since the day she was abducted by a gorilla.

Mario took a deep breath. "Hello, Pauline."

The woman wrapped her arms around Mario, pulling him into a stifling hug. "Mario," she said, planting a kiss on both of his cheeks. "It has been far too long."

Mario disentangled himself from her grasp. "Right," he said. "Um, it's nice to see you too, Pauline."

Pauline noticed Villager and Olimar. "Oh, and look, you've brought two of those cute little creatures you're friends with. I always wondered what they looked like without those mushrooms on their heads."

Olimar raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me."

"Well, come on, Mario," Pauline said, ignoring him, "we've got a game to make."

She grabbed Mario by his overall strap and pulled him away. He turned his head and cast Villager and Olimar a pleading glance.

"Think we should help him?" Villager whispered to Olimar.

Olimar checked his watch. "We could, but . . . we have a plane to catch."


	13. Wild Gunman

The NES Series:

Wild Gunman

"Man, that was a long flight."

"Really, Olimar?" Villager said. "That's what you're thinking about right now?"

"Well, it was," Olimar replied. "It felt like it was about six months."

"Hey, enough chattin' or we're gonna pump you both full o' lead right here!" a gruff cowboy with a thick beard growled. He and his four companions circled Villager and Olimar, their hands twitching over their holsters.

"Well, somebody's grumpy," Olimar said. "What did we ever do to you guys?"

"Olimar," Villager said, "you called them props."

"They are. Props for a dog no less."

"Still, how would you like it if someone called your Pikmin props?"

"That's different. My Pikmin are living sentient creatures."

"And these guys aren't?"

"To be honest, they look more like cardboard cutouts than actual people."

"Yer treadin' on thin ice there, vegetable boy," one of the gunmen said.

"Could you please stop talking," Villager whispered to Olimar.

"Don't worry, kid, I got this." Olimar spread his hands and approached the gunmen carefully. The gunmen stopped circling and their hands shot to the butt of their guns. "Look," Olimar said, "I may have been a little insensitive before. How about we make it up to you by putting you down on the list for Smash Five."

The five gunmen looked at each other. "We're listening," the leader said.

"Um, Olimar," Villager said.

"You guys let us go now," Olimar continued, "We'll put you on the list, put in a good word with Mario for you, and who knows, you guys could be the big announcement for E3 2019."

The gunmen glanced at each other again. "You two stay right here," the leader said. He and his thugs huddled together a short distance away.

"Um, Olimar," Villager whispered. "I don't think we're going to be able to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because," Villager said, his eyes on the ground. "They're . . . ."

"They're what?" Olimar said. "Spit it out."

"I can't."

"You can't? Why not?"

"Not here."

"Come on, why can't we put them on the list?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because their props, okay? Duck Hunt's props!"

"Excuse me?" Villager and Olimar looked up to see that the gunmen had come out of their huddle and were now glaring at them with newly ignited fury.

"Dude," Olimar said to Villager, "Insensitive, much?"

Villager's mouth hung open. "I am so sorry," he said. "I didn't mean-"

"I think we've just about heard enough outta you two," the leader said. "Get 'em, boys!"

The other four gunmen grinned hungrily and advanced on the Smash Fighters. "Um," Olimar said, "stay back. We don't want to hurt anybody."

The gunmen laughed and drew their guns. A digital crosshairs appeared on the leader's forehead.

_BANG!_

The leader's hat flew off his head, his eyes flew open wide, and he fell over on the ground. Four more shots were fired, some blowing off gunmen's hats, others striking belts and causing pants to fall. Soon, Villager and Olimar stood alone, surrounded by five unconscious men. A small brown dog with a duck on his back popped up from behind a shrub.

The dog chuckled merrily.

Olimar and Villager stared at the dog. "Oh, great," Olimar said. "Does this mean-"

"Yep," Villager said. "Duck Hunt's next."


	14. Duck Hunt

The NES Series:

Duck Hunt

_Bam!_

_Bam!_

"Quack, quack, quack!"

"Dang it!"

"Hee hee hee."

"Oh, shut up, you mangy mutt!"

Olimar angrily handed off his light gun to Villager. "Here," he said. "You get laughed at for a while."

"Okay," Villager said. He took the gun and held it up so he could look down the barrel. "I don't know why you get so worked up about this game."

A pair of ducks burst from the long grass before them and took flight into the air. Villager aimed steadily and pulled the trigger. A bright flash of light exploded from the gun's barrel and one duck fell to the ground. Villager took aim at the next duck and fired again. Once more a perfect hit. The small brown dog popped up out of the grass, holding the stunned ducks and smiling.

Villager handed the gun back to Olimar. "Your turn."

Olimar took the gun begrudgingly. "Showoff." He stepped forward and took aim. "It's just that stupid dog," he told Villager. "Seriously, though, he has got to be the most annoying character ever created for a video game. Whose bright idea was it to let him into Smash?"

Another pair of ducks took off out of the grass. Olimar took aim and fired, missing both.

"I thought he was a clever and creative addition to the roster," Villager said. "Plus, he's become pretty iconic over the years."

Olimar fired twice more, missing both times. The dog popped his head up out of the grass and laughed.

"Yeah, you just keep laughing, dog," Olimar shouted, waving the gun. "You just keep on laughing."

Olimar handed the gun to Villager. Villager stepped forward and started to aim.

"I guess," Olimar said, "but, come on, we kicked out Popo and Nana and replaced them with him."

"Now, Olimar, you know that's not how it went down," Villager said, shooting down his first duck.

"Sure, sure, programming issues with the 3DS or whatever. I still say he's a stupid character. And he totally stole my win in the last tournament. And my Up B move too."

Villager shot down his second duck and the dog popped up with an encouraging smile. Villager grinned proudly and tossed the gun back to Olimar. "Last round."

Olimar clutched the gun and stepped up to fire. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Okay, Olimar, come on, you can do this," he told himself. He opened his eyes, held up the gun, and squinted down the gun barrel. The grass shifted and two duck burst into the sky. Olimar aimed at one and fired, the light blinding him for half a second. The duck still flew. He fired again and again, switching between the two ducks as both flapped on unharmed. Soon, the ducks had flown outside the range of the gun.

Olimar hung his head and cursed. Out in the grass, the dog popped up his head and laughed. Olimar glanced up at the dog with a crazy gleam in his eyes. He held up the gun and an unhinged smile crept across his face.

"That's it," he said. "The dog is going down!"

He charged at the dog, but Villager held him back. "No, Olimar, you can't."

"Yes, I can!" Olimar shouted. "I would be fulfilling the fantasies of millions of gamers the world over."

"But the gun doesn't even work on the dog!"

"Then I'll use my bare hands if I have to!" Olimar broke free and dove into the long grass, tossing the gun aside. "Come here, dog!"

Villager watched on as Olimar and the dog chased each other through the field, the dog laughing every time Olimar tripped over something. Villager looked down at his toes and scratched his head. He glanced up at Olimar again. "Now, what was it Jazz used to do to calm me down?"


	15. Golf

The NES Series:

Golf

Olimar gasped for breath as he heaved his large golf bag up the hill.

"We made it," he said, letting the bag slump to the ground. He turned to see Villager walking up behind him empty-handed. "Where's your bag?"

"Bag?" Villager asked. "I don't have one. I keep all my clubs in my pocket." He dug into his left pocket and pulled out a nine-iron.

"Pockets?" Olimar said. "Don't you have any respect for the game at all?"

Villager looked down at the club in his hand and back up at Olimar. "It's just golf."

Olimar tisked. "You disgust me."

Bending down and digging into a pocket on his bag, Olimar removed a golf ball. He turned to the tee to find that a portly man with a mustache and white shirt had beaten him to it. The man seemed oblivious to their presence and was merrily whistling to himself as he set up his shot.

"Mario?" Olimar asked. "What are you doing here?"

The man glanced at them in confusion. "I am not Mario," he said. "My name is Fred."

"No, no, I'm pretty sure you're Mario," Olimar said. He glanced at Villager. "Is Mario in this game?"

Villager checked his list. "I don't think so," he said. "Maybe we've stumbled into NES Open Tournament Golf by mistake."

"No, no," the man said. "It is just Golf."

"Okay," Villager said. "Maybe Mario does appear in this game after all."

"No. Mario does not appear in this game."

"So, we're in NES Open Tournament Golf, then?" Olimar asked.

"No, this is just Golf."

"So if you're not in this game, why are you here?" Villager asked.

"Maybe its a surprise inspection," Olimar said. "I told you you should have brought a bag."

"No, I'm not Mario," the man said. "My name is Fred. I am a golfer."

"Are you sure?" Villager asked. "You look a lot like Mario."

"Trust me, I get that all the time. But no, I'm not Mario, I'm Fred."

"Oh," Villager said. He and Olimar glanced at each other and stared at their feet awkwardly.

"So, uh," Villager said. "Want to be in Smash?"


	16. Hogan's Alley

The NES Series:

Hogan's Alley

_BAM!_

_BAM!_

Alarms flared and the room was flooded with flashing red light.

"Seriously," Villager said. "Would you stop shooting the cop?"

Olimar lowered his light gun and looked at Villager. "Wait, I thought that was the point of the game."

"No, you're supposed to shoot the criminals."

"Which ones are those?"

"They're the ones that are holding guns and have mean looks on their faces."

"So, just because someone's holding a gun and has a mean look on his face, that makes him a criminal? No wonder the police force has been having so many problems with profiling lately."

Villager slapped his forehead. "No, it's not like that. It's just . . . Oh, just go again already."

"Okay," Olimar said, toggling the controls that moved the cardboard cutout targets along their track. The new set stopped, turned, and Olimar fired at the one in the middle. Alarms blared once again.

"Really?" Villager asked. "You shot the professor?"

"What? He looked grumpy. Plus, he was totally reaching for a gun. Did you see the way he had his hands in his pocket."

Villager rubbed his temples and sat down on the bench behind him.

"Anyway, why do I have to do this and you don't?" Olimar asked.

"Because you needed to work on your aim," Villager said. "Remember how you couldn't even hit the Duck Hunt dog with a rock."

"Don't remind me," Olimar said. He flipped the switch on his control panel again. "So, who's this Hogan guy anyway. Can we put him on our list?"

"No," Villager said. "The name Hogan's Alley comes from a famous shooting range used by police for training."

"Ah," Olimar said. He glanced at the cardboard cutouts and then at his light gun. "So, where did the shooting range get the name?"

"A comic strip, I think." Villager checked his notes.

"A comic strip?"

"Yeah, it was a political satire way back in the 1890s. It was about a group of characters living in the slums. The police called their training ground by the same name because it was supposed to represent a rough neighborhood."

Olimar gestured to the cutouts. "So, these aren't the characters from the strip, are they?"

"Oh, no," Villager said. "These are just characters created for the game. Don't worry."

Olimar breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew. I'd hate to think I was shooting Garfield or Charlie Brown or something. Anyway, last round."

Olimar flipped the switch, turning the cutouts so that they faced forward. Olimar fired off two shots. Villager looked up to see the results.

"Hey, you finally got a criminal for once," he said. "But, um, why did you shoot the lady too?"

Olimar blew on the barrel of his gun. "Because she looks just like a girl I dated once. Believe me, she's a criminal."

Villager rolled his eyes. "Well, at least your aim has improved."


	17. Baseball

The NES Series:

Baseball

"Batter's in position. Here comes the pitch. He swings. Oh, strike one!"

Olimar stumbled down the bleachers, carrying a cartoonishly overstacked pile of snacks. He sat down next to Villager and started handing him items from the pile.

"So, what did I miss?"

"We've got a man on second and third, and two outs," Villager said, tearing open a pack of licorice. "Let's hope this guy can serve up a home run."

"Nice," Olimar said, taking a sip from his cola. He dug into his bag and pulled out the list he'd been compiling. "So we're checking out 1983's Baseball today, huh? Good pick. Some consider it to be one of the most important contributing factors to the NES's success. I suppose it wouldn't be too hard to make a character out of one of these players."

"I guess so," Villager said, munching on his licorice.

"Let's see," Olimar said, sketching on a piece of scratch paper. "The bat could be the main weapon, special moves could be pitching, sliding, and catching, and I'll bet we could come up with a creative way to turn a home run into a final smash."

"Sure, whatever."

Olimar looked up at Villager and put down his pen. "Hey, what's up, kid? Normally, you're the one figuring out all this stuff."

"Sorry," Villager said. "It's just . . . It's been a long week so far. Do we have to work today? Can't we just enjoy the game?"

Olimar studied Villager for a minute, then looked back at his list. "Sure," he said, stowing his paper and pen back in his bag. "Let's enjoy the game."

Olimar stowed the bag under his feet and sat back in his seat. He held out a large bag of popcorn to Villager. "Popcorn?"


	18. Donkey Kong Jr Math

The NES Series:

Donkey Kong Jr. Math

Olimar wiped his helmet as he and Villager hacked their way through a seemingly endless jungle. He looked up at the blazing sun glaring down on them through the canopy.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" he asked, looking back at Villager. "I thought we were doing Ice Climber next. This isn't exactly Icicle Mountain here."

"Of course," Villager replied, holding up his map. "Infinite Glacier's just on the other side of this jungle."

"Uh-huh. I may not have aced geography in school, but I'm pretty sure that shouldn't be right."

"Well, we're in the video game world. Since when does geography matter?"

"Good point."

The two travelers came to a small river where they could cross. Small white symbols sat on the rocks that jutted up out of the stream, and long vines hung down from the trees above. Olimar shivered as he put a foot out onto the first rock.

"What is it?" Villager asked.

"I'm not sure," Olimar replied. "It feels like I've just stepped into one of the NES's worst launch titles or something. It's weird."

Olimar shook off the sensation as he stepped across to the next rock. Villager followed behind and felt the same chill. He glanced up at the vines and notices that there were numbers trapped in little pods along them.

"This seems familiar somehow," Villager said. He checked his book of NES titles. "Oh, no," he said, stopping on an early page. "I know where we are."

He looked up to see Olimar inquisitively bending down to pick up one of the symbols on the rocks.

"Don't touch that!"

A large brown ball of fur dropped from the vines above and slammed into Olimar, knocking him into the river below. The assailant flipped around and growled at Villager, pounding its chest. It was a small pudgy baby gorilla wearing a white onesie emblazoned with a large red J.

"Hey, it's Donkey Kong Junior."

Olimar sputtered and sat up. "Donkey Kong Junior?" he asked. "Wasn't that an arcade game?"

Donkey Kong Junior spun toward Olimar and let out a warning screech.

"Yeah," Villager said, "But they made a spinoff for it and turned it into an educational game for the NES's launch. It, um, wasn't very successful."

Donkey Kong Junior pounded his chest again, eyeing both strangers.

"Educational game? Like Popeye's English Class?"

"Yeah," Villager said. "Except this one taught math. Or at least tried to. It's been criticized just as much as an educational game as a regular game."

"Huh," Olimar said, getting to his feet. Donkey Kong Junior recoiled at his movements and screeched again.

"What's this guy's problem?" Olimar asked.

"I think he's scared," Villager said. "I don't think he's seen another video game character in years. As a character, he dropped off the map a long time ago."

"Isn't he Donkey Kong's son though? Did DK just abandon him out here?"

"Well, technically, he's the original DK's son, who now goes by Cranky Kong. That means that this little guy will either grow up to be our Donkey Kong's father or Donkey Kong himself, depending on how you see DK and Cranky's relationship."

Villager held out his hand to Donkey Kong Junior. "It's okay, little guy, we won't hurt you."

Donkey Kong Junior backed away slowly from Villager's hand. "Hang on," Villager said, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a banana. He held it out to the baby ape. "Here you go."

The monkey tentatively reached out a hand and took the banana. It glanced suspiciously at Olimar and hopped up into the vines overhead.

"So, list? Yes or no?" Olimar asked, climbing up onto the rocks beside Villager.

"Well, as poorly received as this game was, the original arcade game is still one of the most important games in Nintendo's history, so yeah, I'd say Donkey Kong Junior is a definite candidate for the list."

"Cool," Olimar said, pulling out his pad of paper and opening it up. Just as he was about to start writing, a slimy wet banana peel splattered across the paper. Olimar looked up to see the small ape laughing at him from above. He recapped his pen, removed the banana peel, and put the paper away. "You know what, I think I'm going to mull it over for a little while."


	19. Ice Climber

The NES Series:

Ice Climber

"So, you were one of the newcomers for Smash Four, huh?"

"Y-yes, ma'am," Villager shivered, accepting the warm cocoa from Nana.

"H-he was a big hit this year," Olimar added, accepting his cocoa and wrapping the fur blanket closer around him. "He saved the multiverse and everything."

Villager blushed and looked down. "I only landed the final blow."

"Yeah, I heard about that," Nana said. "I always said that metal cap was creepy."

She took a sip of her cocoa and sat down beside the fire. "Sorry Popo and I couldn't make it this year, but we were . . . otherwise engaged. Did you hear we got married earlier this year?"

"Yeah, I got the invitation," Olimar said. "I would have come, but the boss had me working overtime making a third game."

"Hmm, a third game," Nana mused dreamily. "Must be nice."

They heard some shuffling outside the igloo and a disheveled Popo crawled in with a bag full of vegetables. "I'm back," he said, standing. His parka was torn and covered in garbage.

"Sweetie, what happened?" Nana said, rushing to his side. "Was it the nitpickers? Come here and let me clean you up."

"It's okay, Honeypie," Popo said, pulling off his parka. "The nitpickers were fine. It was just PETA after me for clubbing seals again."

"I told you to take the American side of the mountains, Snookums. They won't come after you for hitting Topis."

"But the vegetables on the Japanese side taste better, Snuggly-bear," Popo complained.

Olimar looked at Villager. "I suddenly remembered why their absence didn't bother me this year."

Popo and Nana wrapped their arms around each other and rubbed noses, whispering things to each other that probably would have made Villager and Olimar gag on their cocoa. They pulled apart and Nana led her husband to the fire and wrapped him in a blanket. "Now, you just sit here, sweetie, and I'll take care of the vegetables."

As she was making sure her husband was snug, she absently reached out and pulled Olimar's cocoa out of his hands and gave it to Popo.

"Hey," Olimar said.

Nana got up and lifted the bag of vegetables. "Huh," she said, "kind of light this time."

Popo sheepishly took a sip from his cup. "I only made it to level five today," he said. "PETA ambushed me and trapped me on the bottom level. Then a Polar Bear showed up and, well, you know."

Nana crossed her arms. "Now, that's just awful," she said. She dropped the bag and crossed the igloo to grab her parka. "I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind. No one treats my snuggly-bear that way."

"But honey, it's almost nightfall out there now," Popo said.

Nana picked up her hammer. "So what? I'm going to be the scariest thing on the mountain tonight."

She ducked through the doorway and out into the cold. Popo glanced at his visitors before getting up, putting on his parka again, and going after her.

Olimar and Villager looked at each other. "So, um," Olimar said. "Are there any other characters from this game to invite."

"Nope, just them," Villager said. "Unless we wanted to invite a Polar Bear or a Topi."

"So, probably not. What's our next game?"

Villager pulled out his list. "Um, Kung Fu," he said.

"Works for me." Olimar got up and tossed his blanket into the corner. "Let's get out of here."


	20. Kung Fu

The NES Series:

Kung Fu

"I thought we were supposed to be checking out Kung Fu," Olimar said as he and Villager made their way to their seats, their arms full of popcorn and drinks. "How does that translate to going to the movies?"

"What better way to appreciate Kung Fu than through the great kung fu movies of old?" Villager asked as he sat down.

"What's this thing even called?" Olimar asked. He put down his popcorn and pulled out his ticket stub. "'Wheels on Meals'? Gee, I can already tell I'm in for a treat," he said sarcastically.

"But it stars Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, and Yuen Biao," Villager said. "Three of the greatest kung fu actors of all time."

"Eh, I prefer Toshiro Mifune."

"Toshiro Mifune wasn't a kung fu actor."

"Still like him better."

Villager turned to the couple sitting on the other side of him. "Hey, what do you two think of this movie?"

The man turned to them and smiled. "I think it's very good, actually."

Villager's jaw dropped. "You're Jackie Chan!"

Olimar looked over Villager's shoulder. "Jackie Chan exists in this universe? Okay, he is definitely going on the list."

"Oh, no," the man said. "You are confused. You see, I am only based on a character played by Jackie Chan. I'm Thomas, and this is my wife Sylvia."

The girl waved. "Hi."

"Wait," Olimar said. "What do you mean, you're based on a character played by Jackie Chan?"

"The game designers used Jackie's character's name and likeness from 'Meals on Wheels' to create me. And Sylvia here was based on his love interest in the movie."

"So, Kung Fu is a licensed game then?" Villager asked.

"Not really. They only used the names. Nothing about the plot stayed the same."

"So, what was the plot, then?" Olimar started to ask. Their conversation was interrupted when a blonde man in a black and red gi grabbed Sylvia by the arm and pulled her out of her seat.

"Ha, ha, ha," the man laughed, "try to get me this time, Thomas."

He wrapped his arm around Sylvia and leaped away through the aisles. All the other moviegoers in the audience stood, revealing themselves to be hooded goons, some empty-handed, some with throwing knives, and some very short. There were even a few snakes slithering around.

Thomas sighed. "Well, back to work," he said, standing. He pulled off his civilian clothes to reveal a black and white gi underneath. "Let's do this."

He fought his way through the movie theater, kicking and punching every foe that came near. Villager and Olimar watched him go, Olimar taking a sip from his soda and Villager eating a large handful of popcorn.

Villager looked back at Olimar. "Apparently, in Japan, it's called Kung Fu Master."

Olimar nodded, finishing his sip with a satisfied breath. "Definitely list-worthy," he said.


	21. Wrecking Crew

The NES Series:

Wrecking Crew

"Alright, men, let's get to work! You two, newbies, I want those hammers primed and ready to go!"

Olimar and Villager glanced down at the pile of wooden hammers in front of them as the heavyset, bearded foreman sauntered off, shouting at a group of giant living wrenches and men in eggplant-shaped suits.

"So, we . . . polish them?" Olimar asked.

Villager shrugged. "I guess."

The two Smash Fighters bent down and picked up a hammer each, rubbing them down with dirty rags.

"So," Villager said. "How about Wrecking Crew? Mario and Luigi's first starring role on the NES console."

Olimar looked around. "Eh, it's not as glamorous as I imagined. Hey, did you ever wonder what Nintendo's obsession was with eggplants in the early eighties?"

"Eggplants?" Villager asked.

"Yeah. Ice Climber, those eggplant wizards in Kid Icarus, those guys over there. Eggplants were everywhere back then."

Villager considered for a minute, then shrugged. "One of Nintendo's production crew must have really liked eggplant or something."

The burly foreman finished shouting at his men and turned back to Villager and Olimar. He lumbered over to them, a pair of dark shades obscuring his eyes. He almost looked like Wario, if Wario stopped shaving and started a construction company.

"Now," the foreman said, looking them over, his breath smelling of stale beer. "What did you two want again?"

Villager took a moment to respond as he stared at a large mole on the man's hairy face. He cleared his throat. "Um, we're from Super Smash Bros." he said, "and we're looking around for possible candidates for Smash Five."

"Super Smash Bros." the foreman said, scratching his thick beard. "I know that name." He bent down and looked the two Smashers in the eye, studying their faces. Thanks to the shades, it was hard for Villager to tell what the man was thinking. "That lousy Mario and his no-good brother sent you, didn't they?"

"Well, uh," Villager said. "He is our boss, so, um, . . ."

The foreman scowled, showing green, moldy teeth. "I never liked those two. Back in Eighty-Five, those two wrecked one of my construction sites. Boy, if I could get my hands on them."

"Well," Olimar said, surprised to find he could still smell the man even through his helmet, "Put your name down with us and you might get that chance."

"Me roughing up Mario and Luigi in the ring, huh?" The man took off his helmet and mopped his brow with the rag Villager had been holding. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Villager said. "We put your name on the list, give it to Mario and the other founders, and, if they decide you're important enough to the history of Nintendo, they'll put you in."

"Hmm, sounds a little shady, letting Mario make the call like that," the man said. "But, what the heck, I'll try my chances. Put me down."

Olimar pulled out his pen and paper. "That's Spike with an 'I,' right? No funky X-Men Evolution 'Y''s going on or anything?"

"No, just an 'I.' Now, get lost. I've got work to do."

The foreman held out his hand for the hammer in Villager's hand. Villager handed it to him and he swung it over his shoulder and marched away.

"Well, I guess we better get going," Villager said.

"Yeah," Olimar said. He glanced down at the hammer in his hands and then at some breakable walls nearby. "Can I just do a row first before we go?"

Villager rolled his eyes. "Knock yourself out."

"Yippee!" Olimar raised the hammer over his head and charged at the wall.

"Don't let the foreman catch you," Villager shouted after him.


	22. Stack Up

The NES Series:

Stack Up

"Thanks for agreeing to come with me today, Jazz," Villager said.

"Sure thing, Vil," the Wii Fit Trainer replied. "What was Olimar doing today anyway?"

"He had to do community service for damages to a construction site." Jazz raised an eyebrow. "Long story."

The two newcomers walked up to the door of a rickety old, seemingly abandoned, laboratory. Villager rapped softly on the crooked steel door. They waited patiently for someone to answer.

"So what game are you reviewing today," Jazz asked.

"Those two R.O.B. games Gyromite and Stack Up," Villager said.

"Oh," Jazz said. She opened her mouth to say more, but the door swung open just then. A man with thick red hair and wearing a lab coat greeted them.

"Hello," the man said. "Are you two here with Mario?"

Villager and Jazz looked at each other. "Mario?" Villager asked. "No, we were here to talk to Professor Hector about Smash Five."

The red-haired man squinted, as if a little confused. "Oh," he said. "Well, come on in then. Professor Hector's in a meeting right now. I'm his assistant, Professor Vector. This way please."

Villager and Jazz followed the man down a dank hallway that smelled slightly of mold. "We don't get many visitors around here very often," the man said. "Our games weren't very popular."

"Weren't they really buggy," Villager asked, "and the R.O.B. accessory didn't work very well."

"Yeah," Professor Vector said. "That's sometimes the price you pay for working with new and experimental technology. But at least R.O.B. got to go on to be in Smash, am I right?"

They stopped at a door with a plaque that read "PROFESSOR HECTOR." Voices could be heard through the wall. Professor Vector opened the door slightly and poked his head in.

"Excuse me, Hector," he said. "But we've got a couple more visitors."

Vector pushed the door open so that Villager and Jazz could see into the room. It was an office about the size of two broom closets pushed together with a tiny window on the far wall. Seated around a table in the middle of the room were an old man with white hair and a lab coat, R.O.B. 01, and Mario himself.

"Villager? Jazz?" Mario asked, sitting up. "What are you two doing here?"

Villager held up the notepad Olimar usually carried. "We were doing the NES Series," he said.

Mario looked confused for a second. "Oh, right. This was on your list, wasn't it? Sorry about that. I had to meet with R.O.B. and Hector here about something important. Where's Olimar?"

"He had a run-in with your old friend Spike," Villager said.

"Spike?" Mario squinted. "I remember that name. Do you mean the idiot from the movie?"

The other five in the room collectively groaned at the mention. "No, not that one," Villager said. "The foreman from Wrecking Crew."

"Oh, yeah," Mario said. "I forgot about him."

"So, what's this important thing you guys are discussing?" Jazz asked.

Mario considered for a moment. "Well, I guess there's no point keeping it from you. Come in, sit down."

Villager and Jazz stepped into the room and sat on a couch crammed near the wall. "I'm just going to get back to work, alright, Hec?" Vector said.

"Sure thing, Vec," Hector said. "Thank you."

Vector stepped back into the hall and shut the door.

After he was gone, Mario turned to the newcomers. "Have you two ever heard of the Video Game Crash of '83?"

Villager and Jazz shook their heads. "No, I thought not," Mario said. "That would have been a bit before your time. I was there though, as was Donkey Kong, Pac-Man, Mr. Game &amp; Watch, and even Hector here as a designer and developer. Basically, before the multiverses were formed as you know it, we all lived in a smaller, more simple video game multiverse. Atari ran most of it, but there were a few others here and there on the outskirts. Everything was just fine until the glitches came."

"Glitches?" Jazz asked, looking at Villager.

Mario nodded. "Strange creatures, living embodiments of pure chaos that destroy everything they touch, scattering it into its basic elements. The glitches overran the multiverse before we even knew what was happening. Everything was destroyed. A few of us survived, and together we were able to rise from the ashes and reboot the multiverse. Most of these games you've been reviewing so far were part of that reconstruction process. Professor Hector and Professor Vector built the R.O.B.s in order to safeguard the new multiverses from the same thing happening again, and Master Hand and Crazy Hand were created in order to seal away their leader Tabuu and most of his minions. A few leaked through the cracks here and there, but they were never serious."

"But now, both the Hands and my people are dead," R.O.B. 01 said. "Our world and all worlds are now vulnerable to invasion once more."

"But, isn't Tabuu dead too?" Jazz asked. "Will they still attack without their leader?"

"Some evidence suggests that they have a new leader," Professor Hector said, pulling at his white beard. "Over the past few months, glitches have started to appear more and more frequently. Before they seemed to be mostly random, but now they are starting to feel like calculated assaults."

"I spoke to Sonic a few days ago," Mario said. "He told me an army of glitches ravaged his most recent game, Sonic Boom, rendering it nearly unplayable and altering his and his friends' appearances. The Pokemon universe has seen a recent wave of Missingno sightings, some players have gone missing in the forests of Hyrule, and even our most recent Smash tournament suffered from a pretty serious glitch early on that we managed to patch up."

"All of these things on their own aren't particularly serious," Hector said, "But it has been enough to make those of us who remember concerned. R.O.B. here has been working with me to develop a new system to protect the multiverse, and Vector has been working on a project to save the data of those in the multiverse should the worst happen."

"In the meantime," Mario said. "We've been studying those two glitches Hector keeps contained within his lab to learn everything we can about their kind."

"You have two glitches?" Villager asked.

Professor Hector nodded. "Tried to invade our game Stack Up," he said. "Vector, R.O.B., and I had to work together to catch them. Would you like to see them?"

He started to stand up from his chair. For the briefest second, a ripple seemed to pass through the world. Everything became fuzzy and distorted before immediately snapping back to normal.

"What was that?" Jazz started to ask.

Alarms started to sound throughout the building as red lights flashed. Professor Hector and Mario shared a horrified glance. The two spoke at the same time. "They've escaped."

_TO BE CONTINUED . . . _


	23. Gyromite

The NES Series:

Gyromite

Professor Hector and Mario ran down a long decrepit corridor, R.O.B., Villager, and Jazz following close behind. Alarms blared around them.

"What's going on?" Jazz asked.

"There's been a security breach in the main lab," R.O.B. explained. "That temporal shift we all felt just before it happened indicates the escape of the glitches."

The group turned a corner to find a still form lying on the ground in front of a high-security door hanging wide open.

Professor Hector rushed to the body and rolled it over to reveal Professor Vector, a large swath across his torso pixellated.

"Vector," Hector said. "What happened?"

"Glitch," Vector said, his voice coming out choppy and disjointed. "AttacHDIked me fromZIYZbehind. Amiibos i-"

As he talked, the gash of pixels spread rapidly over his body. His voice gave out, turning into incomprehensible static. The scientist crammed something into his colleague's hand before flashing inverted colors and disappearing altogether.

Professor Hector looked toward the open doorway. He opened his hand to reveal a tiny plastic model of his friend that looked sort of like a mini trophy. "The amiibos are in there," Hector said. He got up and ran into the lab.

Villager, R.O.B., Jazz, and Mario followed him. "Wait? What are amiibos?" Villager asked as they stepped onto a grated walkway overlooking a large laboratory. They had barely stepped into the room when a thick steel gate slid up out of the floor and blocked their way.

"It's the emergency security systems," Hector said. "R.O.B., lower the gate."

"Yes, sir," R.O.B. Replied. The robot turned and picked up one of the small gyros leaning against the wall next to them. Slowly, he gripping it in his two hands and started spinning it with the wheels built into both. He turned at an aggravatingly slow pace and started to roll forward.

"Um, shouldn't you be moving a little faster?" Jazz asked. "I thought this was kind of urgent."

"This is as fast as I can go," R.O.B. said.

After several seconds that seemed to go on forever, R.O.B. made it to a small pad and dropped the spinning gyro on top of it. The wall started to slide back into the floor.

"Finally," Mario groaned.

The wall slipped back into its slot in the floor, revealing a snarling green reptile creature coming straight for them.

"Oh, no," Hector said. "The Smicks are loose too."

Mario dashed forward and struck the creature in the chest with a fireball, sending it flying. He turned back to Hector. "Smicks?"

"We were bored one day and messed with some DNA we had lying around," Hector explained.

"Uh-huh," Mario said. He and the group ran to the end of the walkway.

"Here," Hector said, opening up a cabinet built into the wall. "These turnips will keep any Smicks at bay. They love them."

He handed each a couple of turnips. Then he grabbed onto a pole about a foot or so out from the walkway and slid down to the laboratory floor below. Mario and the others followed suit.

"The amiibos and the gamepad are at that end," Hector said, running across the room to a small console.

"Hector, wait!" Mario shouted.

A flash rippled through the room as a pixellated figure appeared behind Hector and slashed him with an 8-bit sword. The scientist collapsed to the floor in a heap. Before Mario could react, a spring-shaped glitch bounced off the heads of Villager and Jazz, knocking them to the floor. A star-shaped glitch jumped in between Mario and R.O.B., letting off a burst of energy that threw them both to the side.

The pixellated figure bent down over Hector as the scientist started to become blurry and glitchy. He held up a black pad with a screen in the middle and a bag full of little statuettes. "LooDFLking for thIJNese?"

Hector tried to talk but all that came out were dial tones. A bright pink energy beam struck the figure's right hand, knocking the bag from his grip. The figure turned to see that R.O.B. had righted himself. Mario, Villager, and Jazz each got to their feet behind him.

"DeaFMl with themXZ!" the figure told the two lesser glitches.

The spring and the star turned on the heroes, but they were easily knocked away by a fire ball and an energy beam. The figure crouched and scooped up his bag again and made a break for the exit. Jazz stretched, forming a ball of light in front of her chest and throwing it into the enemy's face. She dashed forward and tried to grab the bag and pad from the enemy's hands. The enemy recovered too quickly and got the upper hand on her, knocking her to the floor and holding his 8-bit sword to her throat. She expected him to finish the blow but was surprised to see him hesitate.

A small tan robot shaped like a fire hydrant struck the being in the back, knocking him off of Jazz and onto the floor, spilling several figurines from the bag. Villager and Mario rushed to Jazz's side and took up fighting positions against the enemy.

The pixellated figure glared at them for a split second, scooped up his bag without bothering to pick up those he had spilled, and dove for the pole. He shimmied up it with superhuman agility and sped out the exit, dodging energy blasts from R.O.B. the whole way.

Mario turned and ran to Hector's side. Villager and Jazz stopped to pick up the remaining figures before joining him.

"Hector, are you all right?" Mario said. The doctor didn't respond but held up his hand and pointed at the console. "K-K-Ko . . ."

Hector gave up on trying to speak and started pointing in various directions. It took them a second to realize that there was a pattern to it.

"Up, up," Mario said. "down, down, left, right, left . . ."

"It's the Konami code," Villager said. "Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start."

Mario hurried to the console and typed in the combination. The console shimmered and opened up to reveal a hidden compartment containing three more gamepad and a massive stockpile of statuettes, far more than the strange figure had made off with.

"H-hurry," Hector said. He started to flash with inverted colors. He held up a tiny statuette that was slowly shifting to take on his features. "Go."

R.O.B. took the tiny figure, gently placing it in a compartment within himself. Soon, the good doctor flashed and vanished altogether.

Jazz and Villager looked up at Mario. "What's going on, Mario?" Jazz asked.

"I'll explain later," Mario said, hefting the large bag of figurines and handing the newcomers the three gamepads. "First, let's get out of here."

Coming Soon:

THE MII FIGHTER CHRONICLES


	24. Super Mario Bros

The NES Series:

Super Mario Bros.

"Well, that was quite the mood shift," Villager said.

"I know, right?" Jazz said. "I thought this was supposed to be a comedy series."

Mario, Villager, and Jazz were walking together across a green valley road. Tall green pipes rose from the ground here and there and large brick blocks floated in the sky overhead.

"Well, you two," Mario said, "This is where I leave you." He pointed to a tall white palace with red, shingled roofing rising over the ridge of a nearby hill. "Peach will receive you at her castle. Give her the items we got from the lab. She'll know what to do with them."

Villager and Jazz glanced at the large bags slung over their shoulders full of tiny statuettes and three gamepads.

"What will you do?" Villager asked.

"I'm going to the one place I can think of to learn more about these glitches." A dark look crept into his eyes. "The Minus World."

He turned away from them and took a deep breath. He glanced back at them and saluted. "I'll be back soon," he promised.

The plumber jumped away across the grassy fields, disappearing into the distance.

Villager and Jazz looked at each other. The hefted their bags and headed to Peach's Castle.

Five minutes later, the two newcomers were walking across the stone bridge that spanned the moat around Peach's castle. Jazz put her hand on the castle's wooden front door and pulled it open.

The sound of talking met their ears. Villager and Jazz stepped inside to find Olimar and Toad reclining on a pair of plush sofas in the foyer and downing bottles of mushroom juice.

"Olimar?" Villager asked.

Olimar raised his bottle. "Hey, guys," he said. "What's up?"

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be working for Foreman Spike."

"I finished. So I came to hang out with my old buddy Toad here."

Toad raised his bottle. "Hey, guys," he said. "Want some?"

Jazz shook her head and put down the bag on her shoulder. "Is Peach around?"

"Sorry," Toad said. "She's in another castle."

"Of course she is," Villager muttered, putting down his bag.

He and Jazz sat down beside Olimar and Toad.

"Do you know when she'll be back?" Jazz asked.

"As soon as she finishes her golf game, I think," Toad said. "Unless Bowser wins and kidnaps her as his prize. It happens."

"So," Olimar said, nudging Villager. "How were the R.O.B. games? Did things get R.O. between you two?"

Villager, Jazz, and Toad collectively groaned at the pun. "Actually," Villager said. "Things got pretty serious over there."

"Oh," Olimar said, raising his eyebrows, "Serious, huh?"

"Not like that. Serious as in Smash Freshmen serious."

Oh," Olimar took a sip from his drink and looked away. "In that case, I don't want to know. I died the last time things got serious. Let's just keep doing our comedy, okay?"

Villager shook his head. "Alright," he said. "So what about Super Mario Bros., then?"

"Okay," Olimar said. "Classic game, founder of the biggest franchise in the multiverse, general groundbreaker. But we've already got Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Bowser. Who else is there to put down?"

"Hey, I'm right here," Toad said.

Olimar grinned. "Okay, Toad," he said. "I'll put you down. Assuming, of course, you can give me an adequate moveset. What can you do?"

"What can't I do?" Toad asked. "I could be the king of items. See, I could use a super mushroom and alternate between big and small at will. I could use a fire flower, ice flower, or boomerang flower for projectiles. I could use a wing cap, raccoon tail, helicopter hat, or I could even turn my mushroom head into a parachute like in the TV show. I could pluck vegetables like Peach, I could release spores, I could ram into people with a Kart. I could be a heavy hitter or a lightweight. And for my final smash, I pull out a Mega Mushroom."

Villager and Olimar glanced at each other and grinned. "Gee, I don't know," Villager said. "You play a pretty important role as Peach's standard b-move. I'm not sure we can work around that one."

"Oh, please. Just replace me with Toadsworth. That old fogey tried to replace me a few years back anyway, might as well give him what he wants."

Olimar rolled his eyes. "Okay, Toad. We'll see what we can do."

"Thank you."

Olimar scribbled on his notepad. "Well, now that that's settled, who wants to go see if the paintings in the castle still transport you to other worlds?"

A ripple blasted its way through the palace, freezing the four characters temporarily and causing them to flash into an 8-bit form for a second.

"What was that?" Jazz asked.

Another ripple tore through the palace, stronger than the first.

"Something's wrong," Toad said, jumping to his feet. "I must find my princess."

Next Friday:

Be here for the premiere of the first chapter of

THE MII FIGHTER CHRONICLES


End file.
